


Other People's Couches

by aeriamamaduck



Series: Saint Petersburg Days [9]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Aged-Up Yuri Plisetsky, Embarrassment, Family, Friendship, Humor, Implied Sexual Content, Long-Haired Yuri Plisetsky, M/M, Multi, Non-Explicit Sex, Sex Talk, Yuri is Eighteen Years Old
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-11
Updated: 2017-07-11
Packaged: 2018-11-28 19:54:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11425032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aeriamamaduck/pseuds/aeriamamaduck
Summary: "...Please tell me that's not a bottle of lube.""This is a bottle of lube," Victor helpfully said.--------------------Otabek is coming for a visit, and someone needs to have a talk with Yuri.





	Other People's Couches

**Author's Note:**

> So this story expands on an event mentioned in **a thrilling chase [a wondrous place]** from the _Alyosha_ series.

Yuuri remembered looking into intense green eyes three years ago and feeling shock and intimidation. Those same green eyes stared at him in suspicion from across the kitchen table, and Yuuri's knee jiggled with anxiety as he tried to figure out just how the hell he was supposed to have this conversation.

 

Yurio, arms crossed tightly over his chest, glared at Yuuri and growled, "I just came to pick up my damn cat. Why the hell am I sitting down?"

 

While on a short trip to Moscow to visit his grandfather, Yurio had left his cat in Yuuri and Victor's care. Potya got along with Makkachin, at least, provided the dog stayed very far away from the cat, and Yuuri sometimes found himself with a lapful of purring cat when he was least expecting it. While Yurio was away, Victor expressed concern over his budding relationship with Otabek. Victor genuinely liked the Kazakh skater, but worried about what Yurio expected out of sex with Otabek.

 

Victor sat down next to Yurio, the teenager narrowing his eyes at the action. "We wanted to talk with you, Yuri."

 

"It's kind of important," Yuuri put in, biting his lip nervously. At least Yurio wasn't eleven and knew the basics, but that still didn't make this conversation less terrifying. 

 

Sort of surrounded by both of his would-be mentors, Yurio began to look considerably nervous. "...What's going on...?" Then his eyes widened with dawning realization and he demanded, "Don't tell me one of you is thinking about  _retiring!_ "

 

Yuuri, briefly thinking that it was nice that Yuri didn't really like the idea of either of them retiring anytime soon, quickly shook his head and quickly assured him, "No! It's not that at all. It's not about skating, Yuri. Don't worry."

 

Victor then put in with a tap of his fingertips to his lips, "Well...skating does come into it a tiny bit."

 

"Victor!"

 

"It's relevant, Yuuri," the older man insisted in a reasonable tone.

 

Yurio glared at them both in irritation and sharply called their attention. "Hey! Old married couple! You sat me down for a reason, no?"

 

Yuuri cleared his throat, turning away from Victor and back to the matter at hand. He could feel a cold sweat form at the back of his neck as he asked the dreaded question, "Yuri...What do you know about sex?"

 

He paled when Yurio's eyes widened further, looking like he was ready to bolt. A blush appeared on his face immediately and he sputtered in indignation, "I'm  _eighteen goddamn years old!_ I see you two idiots eyefuck each other every day and I'm friends with Giacommeti by proxy! Worst of all I had a front row seat to  _you_  going down on this geezer in the fucking locker room! What  _don't_ I know about sex?"

 

While Yuuri nearly choked at the reminder of getting caught on his knees in the rink locker room, Victor pointedly cleared his throat and clarified, "We don't mean what you...may happen to walk in on or what you hear from banter between friends."

 

Regaining at least some part of his composure, Yuuri added, "That's right, we mean what actually goes on between two men. Porn is just fantasy and shouldn't be used as a dependable reference."

 

Yurio, giving Yuuri a sardonic gaze, sarcastically said, "Yeah, I kind of got that when the lady started giving the plumber a handjob right before he started to work on her toilet."

 

Exchanging a brief look of mild discomfort with his husband, Yuuri continued, " _Anyway_...We know Otabek's coming over for a visit soon, and we know things have been pretty serious between the two of you for a while."

 

The younger skater's eyes glanced between the two of them, and he looked a little terrified of the direction the conversation was going. "And...?" he asked, dread in his voice.

 

Lifting his gaze briefly in an appeal for strength, Yuuri took a deep breath and took the plunge. "...And we wanted to make sure you knew all you need to know so you can be...safe and h-healthy when you two...have..."

 

Yurio groaned loudly and covered his eyes, shaking his head as though he'd been handed a death sentence. "This is not happening."

 

Then Victor silently placed a familiar and blessedly _brand new and unopened_  object in front of Yurio, who stared at it in unblinking horror. Not taking his eyes off it, he softly asked, "...Please tell me that's not a bottle of lube."

 

"This is a bottle of lube," Victor helpfully said.

 

 _"FUCK!"_ Yurio shouted, his distressed gaze falling on Yuuri.

 

Victor nodded sagely and poked the bottle a couple of times before adding, "It's going to become your new best friend-"

 

"I  _know_ what lube is for!" Yurio snarled at him, blushing furiously.

 

"Do you know that you can never have enough of it?" Yuuri quickly asked, and the younger skater immediately turned to give him a look that clearly asked, _"You're seriously putting me through this?"_

 

Victor rapidly asked before Yurio had a chance to reply, "And that it's best to use a water-based lubricant?"

 

"Especially when you're wearing a condom?"

 

"Which you should make sure you always have on hand?"

 

Yurio, evidently trying to keep up with both of them, shook his head and yelled, "S-slow the hell down!"

 

Snapping his fingers, Victor beamed at Yurio and said, "That's right! Slowing down!"

 

Nodding as he caught Victor's drift, Yuuri put in, "Yuri, it's _so_ important not to rush things."

 

"Or else you end up sore as hell and you have to explain to Yakov why you're limping into practice," Victor explained jovially, ignoring the fact that Yurio had long begun to resemble a tomato. He then turned to Yuuri with a triumphant smile and said, "See, Yuuri? I told you skating was relevant!"

 

Ignoring that last bit, Yuuri said to Yurio, "Yeah, you probably want to postpone any...a-actual penetration for when you don't have practice the next day, but there are lots of other things you can do in the meantime!" When the little punk sitting in front of him kicked down the stall door and yelled at him to retire a lifetime ago, Yuuri never would have predicted that he'd one day make the eighteen-year-old want to run and hide from a very awkward but necessary conversation.

 

Seemingly resigned to his fate, Yurio slammed his head down on the table, making the bottle fall on its side. He muttered mournfully, "Goddamn it...We could've just sat down and watched Ice Princess like  _normal_ people..."

 

Victor sympathetically patted Yurio's head and said, "We can still do that later if you want. Now pay close attention."

 

-

 

It was two weeks after covering the necessary topics (and a now well-informed Yurio vowing that they would never speak of the event _again_ ) that Otabek arrived in St. Petersburg, and Yuuri and Victor found themselves hosting the young couple at their apartment for dinner.

 

Finding that they needed to make a grocery run to actually feed the younger skaters, Yuuri and Victor took Makkachin along while they left Yurio and Otabek at the apartment to catch up in private. With Victor doing the actual shopping and Yuuri giving Makkachin a good run, they took a little longer than usual. An hour and a half later with groceries and dog in tow, they made their way back to the apartment, tiredly stepping onto their floor.

 

"Almost home," Yuuri said as he dug into his pocket for his keys. 

 

Victor, holding Makkachin's lead and two bags, sighed with relief. "Thank God, I'm  _starving_. Yurio and Otabek probably cleaned out the fridge."

 

"It's a good thing we stocked up in time for dinner, then," Yuuri commented with a smile as he walked on ahead to open the door for his husband and their dog. 

 

The door didn't make a sound as he pushed it open.

 

What he did hear was the unmistakable sound of two male voices sighing and moaning in pleasure, and he managed to look long enough to catch sight of a pale leg hooked over the back of  _their fucking sofa._

 

Swallowing the gasp that nearly burst out of his throat, Yuuri quickly backtracked into the hallway and shut the door quietly, locking it again as he flushed in total shock at what he'd nearly walked in on. He couldn't even  _begin_ to process it, even if he'd just done what he could to make sure he hadn't made his presence known. 

 

One thing was clear: Yurio and Otabek could  _never_ find out that Yuuri had kind of walked in on them having sex.

 

Victor, caught up with him, looked at Yuuri in bewilderment and asked, "Yuuri, what are you-"

 

Yuuri quickly reached up to cover his mouth, panicked at the volume of his husband's voice. " _SHH!_ _Yurio and Otabek are having sex **on the couch,**_ " he hissed, casting anxious glances at the door.

 

Blue eyes growing wide with disbelief, Victor peered at the door and asked in a loud whisper, "... _Are you serious?"_

 

Yuuri pulled his husband away from the door and replied, "I'm serious! I heard them going at it!"

 

"On _OUR_ couch!?" Victor asked, mortified and looking ready to bolt into the apartment and pull the young couple apart.

 

"Better our couch than a stranger's!" Yuuri exclaimed as he rubbed the back of his neck and tried to figure out how to get back into their home without necessarily interrupting Yurio and Otabek or giving himself away.

 

Victor, still giving their door a tortured gaze, asked in a small voice, "...Shouldn't we go in and make sure he's following our advice? Are they using protec-"

 

" _DO YOU HEAR THE WORDS THAT ARE COMING OUT OF YOUR MOUTH?"_ Yuuri hissed in distress before dragging a hand through his hair and sighing decisively. "Come on." He started dragging Victor and Makkachin back down the stairs to the floor below.

 

"B-But Yuuri! The groceries!"

 

"No," Yuuri said firmly. "We're not barging in. We're adults, and we're not going to ruin this for him. Let's just...wait a few minutes. Then I'll call him, tell him we're ten minutes away, and give him a head start."

 

Victor let out a dramatic sigh and leaned against the wall, closing his eyes as if in agony. "The things I go through for that kid."

 

Minutes later Yuuri dialed Yurio's number and held it to his ear, hoping he'd given the pair enough time to...finish up. "It's ringing."

 

Yurio picked up on the fourth ring, and Yuuri noted how he didn't sound too irritated when he muttered, " _What, pork cutlet bowl?"_

 

Yuuri brightly replied, "H-hi, Yuri! Is everything still okay with you two?" Victor covered his eyes at Yuuri's poor acting, and Yuuri could only shake his head helplessly.

 

" _...Yeah? You sound weird."_

 

 _Fuck my life._  "Weird? Weird how?"

 

" _Like you're trying not to laugh or something_."

 

He had to think quick. Yurio would kill them if he knew about the disaster that almost occurred. "Oh! That's just because...Victor tripped!" Victor blinked at him and Yuuri quickly added, "Yeah, he tripped on a crack in the sidewalk and it was hilarious!" He mouthed an earnest  _I'm so sorry_ to a devastated-looking Victor.

 

" _Uh-huh. Why are you calling me again?"_

 

"I wanted to let you know we're ten minutes away from home, since...Victor's still limping."

 

He gave Victor's leg a glance, and his husband hastily backed away from him with an outraged glare. "Do  _not_ kick me, Katsuki-Nikiforov!"

 

"I wasn't going to!" Yuuri hissed defensively before getting back on the phone.

 

Yurio, apparently convinced or else uncaring, replied, " _Fine, whatever. Try not to die on the way."_

 

"Yeah! No problem! We'll be right there!" Yuuri said, blowing out a relieved breath when Yurio hung up. "Holy crap, I think I  _died_." He put a hand on his chest as his racing heart started to slow, and asked a still grumpy Victor, "Think you can pull off a convincing limp?"

 

"Are you serious, Yuuri?" Victor asked in a deadpan tone. Then he sighed and thoughtfully gazed up the stairs, softly saying, "Hopefully he followed our advice."

 

Yuuri silently hoped the same. "He's a smart kid..."

 

"But impulsive," his husband added.

 

Raising an eyebrow at Victor, Yuuri dryly stated, "Yeah, I wonder who he takes after."

 

They stood there waiting for a few minutes, idly scratching Makkachin's ears as they waited for their ten minutes to be up. Then Victor mournfully said, "I suppose I have to burn that couch now."

 

Yuuri groaned and rubbed his temples, wondering if this was Yurio's belated revenge for their talk. He supposed they'd never know.

**Author's Note:**

> And then Victor breaks his ankle months later. :|
> 
> My tumblr: **aeriamamaduck**


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